The legacy that I'll take with me as I make my way through life
- Dianna Ibellis
- Oct 8, 2021
- 3 min read
I was born in New York but I'm proud of my beautiful heritage from Puerto Rico, La Isla del Encanto, which means the island of enchantment. Both families, my mother and father, come from the beautiful island of Puerto Rico. I grew up having such pride in being Puerto Rican so the music, the food it’s all a part of me. My abuela Carmen, on my mom's side, had a Puerto Rican restaurant in upstate NY, my father played salsa and merengue in a band growing up, my mom and step father raised us in a latino church. Although I grew up with latinos and Puerto Ricans all around me, there is still a piece of me that feels like I’m not Puerto Rican enough, especially when it comes to the language.
When I was little, my abuela Mammita took care of me while my parents worked and she didn’t speak much English, Spanish became my first language. Once I began school things changed, I was quiet and didn’t like to speak up, I imagine because I was afraid to show my broken English. I honestly cannot recall this but when my family gets together they like to reminisce about the time in Pre-K when my cousin would speak for me whenever the teacher asked me a question, they eventually had to separate us. I forged my way and slowly speaking English became just as natural as if it was my first language. I only spoke broken Spanish in church and to family members. I lost the confidence in speaking my native tongue. I recognize the faces of those who speak well and watch me struggle. I can see them trying to decide if they should just switch to English to make it easier on me. One time over the phone I was asked if I'm “gringa'' (which is slang for white girl) trying to speak Spanish. Uff eso duele - that hurts.
The last time I visited the island was a year or so before Hurricane Maria and it would have been the last time I saw my abuelo Carmelo, my grandfather on my fathers side. I was there for a work retreat and was able to get away to spend time with family. I was able to see my abuelo Carmelo on his island, at his home, the home my father grew up in. As I’m listening to them reminisce in our native tongue Spanish, it sounds so fast, like super fast. If it weren’t for the fact that they are my family and I’m used to hearing them speak so fast it would be difficult to understand. It’s different and comforting, you just know it’s them when they speak. Something told me that day that this would probably be the last time I was going to have this moment with my abuelo. He was already older in age and had many health issues but never did I think Hurricane Maria would speed up that process. He chose not to leave his home let alone the island. He survived the hurricane but he didn’t survive what came next, no electricity, no water and no food.
I didn’t grow up on the island, or visit regularly. The one thing I take from watching my
grandparents and great grandparents is that they are strong, and resilient. The small uncomfortable feeling of not knowing how to speak the language correctly or feeling like I’m not puerto rican enough, is nothing compared to going to a country where you can’t understand the language or the culture, or being born here navigating through a world where you can’t fully be 100% yourself. All that and still building your own businesses, careers or simply surviving in America. That’s the strength that I want to channel every day. That is the legacy they leave and what I will take with me as I make my way through life.
Click the link below to listen to a song that represents this blog - Mi viejo san Juan - dedicated to my family that we lost and those who were never able to see home one last time.
Love it!!!!!